My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
