so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
