Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
