I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
