is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
