I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
