A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
