is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
