If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
