is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
