also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
