i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My vagina is very pro this idea
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