is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
