I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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