Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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