Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
