evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I need moral support for this bender
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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