I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
