what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
