I heard we made out
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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