I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We had sex on a dog bed..
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
