We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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