Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
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