Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
