I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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