ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
