Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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