we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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