Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
