That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
