Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
