i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
