You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
