The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
