if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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