Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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