please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
do nipples grow back?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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