addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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