Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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