I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
