Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
