you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
