i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
whose ass print is on the piano?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
