You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
