wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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