alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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