the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
