moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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