I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
