dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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