I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
