So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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